From: The Pestiferous but content Mr. Hole
Subject: Re: Yeth, I am not lithping.
Date:
Message-ID: <3A9D4CBD@MailAndNews.com>
>===== Original Message From ·····@nospam.ptd.net (DOKTOR MASTER-Skimmer
Mater-Humper J.) =====
>Okay, so my main squeeze and I were all
>set to go to Atlantic City last weekend
>for a much-needed break of immorality and
>cold salt air.
>Friday morning comes around, as is its
>wont, and there I am, somewhat mindlessly
>flossing my teeth when I hear a "ting"
>and something rattling around in my sink.
>***INTERLUDE***
>Ten years ago (or so), when I was just a
>little ginat, fresh to the
>higher-education experience, I ran into a
>doltish lout at a local drinking
>establishment,
Oh, I'm sad you didn't call that something else.
>with whom I had some (at the time) major
>disagreements. This gentleman tended to
>ring-wearing, and in our rather heated
>exchanges, said ring attempted to occupy
>the same space as one of my front
>incisors. The incisor resisted as best
>it could, but to little avail, and the
>ring ultimately (though briefly) usurped
>most of its place in the universe.
>...that being said, my own knuckles bear
>the memory of when *they* shoved the
>fellow's nose sideways across his face,
>and thus ended the interaction.
I.O.W.: he won.
>Anyway, I went to a dentist and had that
>tooth capped. No big deal.
>College life. Yadda yadda.
I've never had a cavity.
>***END OF INTERLUDE***
>So, I look into the sink and see what
>appears to be a chip of white plastic
>gleaming up at me.
>"Oh no," thinks I.
>I grin into the mirror and am greeted by
>a startling visage: a broken-toothed
>ginat who looks like he might be more
>comfortable digging for parts at the
>local junkyard than the dapper DOKTOR
>MIND FUCKER he is in reality. Horror!
>Dismay!
Be sure you take a picture of yourself for my website.
>I pluck the chunk-of-fake-tooth from the
>sink and try to put it back on;
>obviously, I am still dizzy from the
>fumes of my mouthwash, and so am
>incapable of seeing how stOOpid that is.
I never used mouthwash, and yet I've still never had a cavity!
>I notice when I hiss my breath it
>whistles through the very large gap in my
>teeth. I can get 3 distinct tones merely
>by moving my tongue over this fissure.
Aw, that's too bad.
>I clamp my mouth shut and start looking
>for the phone. I can call my dentist,
>insist it's an emergency (I have to go to
>work! With people! I have to go gamble!
>With people! I have a fiance! Who's a
>person!), and go right in.
>The dentist laughs and says he can see me
>on MONDAY.
>Oh, the crushing disappointment! The
>imminent embarrassment!
Yeah, you shouldn't gone to "WAWA" and bought a few packs of "Chicklets" to
substitute for your missing tooth.
>Merrie asks whom I'm speaking to, and in
>response (and to prepare myself for the
>rest of the day), I whistle at her
>through the chip and then grin like a
>yokel.
She's from Texas, I'm sure she's used to the sight.
>I am driven from the room by her shrieks
>of laughter; I'm afraid the high octaves
>of her hilarity will destroy whatever
>teeth I have left.
>Okay, so I go to work, glower at my
>staff, give the clients my best Mona Lisa
>closed-mouth smile, and push for the
>weekend.
>No one cares what your teeth look like in
>Atlantic City. Around certain slot
>machines, there are more people than
>teeth.
>So I call my dentist Monday morning to
>affirm my appointment, only to find out
>that his inconsiderate wife has decided
>to go into labor two weeks early ON
>PURPOSE to make me walk the Earth with a
>grin that would make Walt Disney's Goofy
>blush.
"Goofy" has fur on his face, he can't blush.
>I cannot get my tooth fixed until next
>Thursday.
Aw, that's too bad.
>This weekend, Merrie and I are headed to
>the Florida Keys
The British Royal Family: the only people on Earth that take more vacations
than Merrie and J. Way to go wasting your money J.
>...where lithe, tan bodies are mere
>backdrops to startling, pearly-white
>smiles.
>*sigh*
>...the real pity is, my sighs can now
>compete with any flute. Truly, I am a
>one-man woodwind band.
>The lesson being, my friends, never trust
>a dentist's wife.
Many years ago when I was just a little Hole, in elementary school I had
some
trouble pronouncing my s's and c's, so the school had me take speech therapy
lessons twice a week, for about a year. To this day I remember the womyn
that
gave the speech therapy, she was real nice. I seem to recall how she always
carried her lesson plans in a PBS tote-bag, and that she didn't have a
classroom of her own so every time we met she would stop by the classroom
and
then bring me down to an empty room that was connected to the School Nurse's
office. I really enjoyed the time I spent there, and it also got me out of
many dull hours of regular schooling.
I still remember the day she told me I no longer needed help with my speech,
I
damn near cried! Those were good times.
> DOKTOR MASTER-Skimmer Mater-Humper J.
>--Your beak is blinkin' like a blinkin'
>beacon!--
--
Mr. Hole: an erotic aphrodisiac; sexual intensifier/enhancer amalgamated
extract for MEN and WOMYN!!
This post reflects the spirit and historical significance of the collected
works of William Shakespeare, H.G. Wells, Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, and
Jack London, although some dramatic license has been taken.
"I can't read Hole's posts. Everything about them is too long, with too much
whitespace and too many exclamation points." -Darla VladsChyk
···········@webtv.net M.I. #1981
How's your hole..............family?
ameliorate / Cronan